If you live long enough, you’ll make mistakes. But if you learn from them, you’ll be a better person. It’s how you handle adversity, not how it affects you. The main thing is never quit, never quit, never quit. – William J. Clinton
I don’t have regrets, there are only lessons. You learn from them, and you become a better person. – Nicole Polizzi
Every religion states everyone has a right to live in this world. The topic – Hmm – how to become a better person – is quite interesting. The words ‘better person’ can mean many things to everybody in various phases of life. When you are an infant around six months old, you would have imitated the way of your father just to feel the happiness in his face. When you are five years old, your elder brother or father would be the ‘hero’ for you. No wonder, you emulated their habits by twirling your not-grown mustache or making rounds in cycles. When you are a teenager, because of puppy love, you would have imitated your favorite hero to make the girl fall in love. After you passed out of college, you want to achieve a status in your job like your cousin. All these facts given above, state a person’s view of a better person. It can be imitating your father, your sibling, your film hero – but all was done in order to achieve the ‘better person’ factor. But in reality, becoming a better person is entirely different which you shall see in the following paragraphs.
Becoming A Better Person
Self-enhancement/self-improvement can be defined as the way to emerge as a better person. The first step will be to discover who you are and what you want to achieve in life – these two points are important – every action else is nothing but a waste of time. The basement should be strong before any building tower should be built.
If you do not know the foundation, that is strengths and weakness, the true self and the motive of being born as a human being is lost. You will be just a ‘drifter’ where you will be swimming in the river until caught in an unfamiliar situation. You can be the person who does not accept the weakness and look at others for comfort. There are many persons who always depend on or blame others.
A look at the pages of history will inform you that all the dictators, evil leaders offered only one factor to their followers – a better person – in other words, a better life, where they could satisfy their loved and dear ones. The Devil is very smart as it changes the reward every time for becoming a greater person than self-realizing who you are. If you have accepted your strengths and weaknesses, happiness and sorrow will be the same to you.
First, regardless of the religion you belong to, understand that life is a process of self-improvement. It does not matter how much educated you are – sometimes, you will find in NEWS that high profile guys are arrested for domestic abuse. Almost everybody in this world tries to become a ‘better person’ in his/her way. (A poor man will try to bring good food to his starving children in a country of famine – ‘better man’ for him is providing good food. A student will try to get more marks to satisfy his father – better will mean scoring more marks in the examination. ) If you are resistant to change, you will never learn, accept the insults as they come and make them the steps for building a better future.
Everyone has goals with values, but sometimes you do not achieve them. Reasons may be many, but first accept the situation.
Every religion is built on the basis of humanity (2500 present religions). All religions have a set of practices when followed can only give a better life. Every practice is based on human value – values are the ones that shape and determine human life. You could be a teenager walking on the road and see an old grandma struggling to cross the road. You could either pass through or help her cross the road. In the former, you will reach the destination faster. However, in the latter, you will get a broad smile and blessing that you would not get even if you have contributed 100,000 million dollars to an old age home. The help provided to an individual when in need, are said to be the core values (beliefs) that shape a human life. When you sit in a quiet place, you can realize what is important to you.
If you suppress your values of goodness, loyalty and human values, no doubt, you will be feeling guilty in a period of time.
2. Your Belief About Yourself
You seldom know about your own strengths and weakness. By the time, you reach sixteen, you would have faced lots of comparisons such as you behave like your grandfather, look like maternal uncle, have the artistic traits of a distant relative etc. But nobody tells you who you really are. However, the advice and comparisons can make an effect on the personality as you tend to believe they are true. Understanding the comparisons can help you throw off stupid beliefs and make you the real being you are – infinite.
Try to assess yourself – how you behave in an unfamiliar situation, in times of loss, management of anger and treatment of loved family members. Write the behavior on a notepad and they can help you decide on the changes required.
The next step will be to write down the changes you need to see in yourself. There can be situations when you want to change the behavior pattern – but the moment you see a particular person – anger shoots up – it is okay – it is not the person but the revenge factor which is making your blood pressure rise high. Keep the duration of changes reasonable. You are not a God and, the changes should also be accepted by the family members. Or else, you could become the “Comedian” of the family.
4. Set Goals
It is helpful to maintain a diary. Write down situations you face, the way you handled them, the feelings etc. Think whether you could do them in a better way.
Are you interested in improving the relationship with a relative? Do you want to enroll in an environment support group? Set out the options.
5. Role Models
They are a great source of inspiration and, their biographies can make you derive strength from the cosmos when the going gets tough. He/she might be a religious figure, artist or social worker or a patriot who gave his/her life for the nation. Instead of having a role model who is a world famous personality, select one whom you can interact with. If one of your superiors is adept at handling any challenges, ask him/her why and how they do it. May be you will given a set of new thoughts not ever heard of which can change your life.
Read biographies of personalities whose life is similar to you. New paths and activities, you will gain.
“He is the man who first forgives himself for the mistakes he did” – Unknown Author.
First learn to love and accept yourself – every other factor is unnecessary. Keep reminding yourself that you are a kind and compassionate person. If you have fallen behind in a project work, not because of being lazy, forgive yourself and decide what next? Place your right hand over the heart and say “I am a strong individual. I can handle any type of challenges.” Chances are you might find ridicule and scorn at the first two instances, but slowly, your confidence will be accepted.
7.Avoid Criticizing Yourself
Take sufficient time to value the talent and abilities, internal or physical. If you are hostile to yourself and think of the other person, naturally you will be angry with others. In the diary, keep a record of negative thoughts, their time of occurrence and how you handled them. If you are not able to work out in the gym because of being fat, think in the positive way such as – I go to the gym to make my body fit? Why should I feel ashamed?. Also, it is not that you will stay fat the whole life span. If you consistently go to the gym, you can feel the changes in a matter of six months.
8. Examine your Revenge Feelings
In recent times, everyone is living a mechanical life. There are chances you are hurt by someone’s sentiments and comments, but only if you forgive them, you can connect to others. Or else, a large brick wall has been built around without your knowledge. Engaging in community center relief where you are helping with “Children of God” can make you realize how lucky are you a person when compared with the poor kids? There are umpteen chances you can learn from them and they can learn from you.
9. Management Of Anger And jealousy
Negative emotions are a natural part of life – but constant anger and ever-jealousy can bring downfall. Slowly start accepting the nature and behavior of the other persons. You get angry when you feel that things did not go the way you had visioned. Understand that things will not work out the way you had planned – if it did – you would be the creator of another Universe. Do not suppress anger for a long time. When it comes out, you will incur heavy losses. Don’t you think it is better to concentrate on factors that you can control instead of those which you do not? If you do not believe the before sentences, naturally you will be a believer of Fate. You will spend hundreds of dollars on visiting a palmist or astrologer who has confidence that he will find a client (like You) but you do not have the confidence in your ability?
Forgiveness is the best weapon by which you can hit an enemy, for yourself – Author unknown.
When you forgive the enemy for the wrongs which they have done, you are not prone to suffer from feelings of negativity such as high heart rate and high blood pressure. It is one of the hardest tasks to do on Mother Earth, but ask yourself
“If you cannot forgive others for their sins, how could you expect God to forgive you for those sins which you committed?”
Have a talk with the person. Perhaps, the motive was not intentional and some black sheep might have entered the conversation and made a mess of hay. The concerned person had said something and the wily person could have tweaked the facts to make the development of enmity.
It should be an everyday practice. Unfortunately, many persons do not understand the importance of this factor. A simple prayer of gratitude to the Lord can help in decreasing feelings of anger, trauma, strengthen relationships and build compassion.
It is a natural feeling – but different from sympathy – you realize the sad feelings of a relative and try to reduce his negativity in soothing words. This factor has been known to build feelings of courage and increase compassion.
It is true that giving money to others who do not have, can instill in feelings of compassion and better health. But always remember, elders have said ‘Charity begins at home.’ It is no use you are donating a hundred dollar bill when your children remain hungry. Instead of donating money, volunteer at a non-governmental organization or homeless shelter. There are no grades for helping, a broad smile to a child, a visit to a senior relative and offering the pet dog a playful activity are all acts of kindness.
14. Choose the Right Path
If you say that you do not possess any talent, no one had identified it yet. Try different activities till you narrow down on the one which gives pleasure. It is also known that different people have different talents in phases of their lifetime. When you are a ten year old kid, you excelled at drawing cartoon characters and now you delve in software issues as a hardware engineer.
First act like a human being. Success is not measured in fame, wisdom, setting of records and gathering material wealth. Practice meditation under the tutelage of a Guru. Try to find a religious teacher who can make the door open for you. Do not go searching for a teacher thereby wasting time. You will get a relevant teacher when you possess the qualities worthy of a human being.
Exercise regularly. You can participate in group running, jogging or walking or enroll in a martial arts class such as Aiki Jujitsu or Judo. Regular exercise increases circulation of blood and with it confidence. Most of the problems have been found difficult for lack of energy in the body to face an unlikely situation.
Explore various opportunities, but ensure you get the best diet for the body. A body devoid of nutrition can immerse in negative thoughts. In case of extreme thoughts, go to sleep. You can have a positive mindset after getting up from sleep.
Practice meditation techniques – the calmer the mind, the faster the resolution of problems. For becoming and being a better person, you have to do hard work, have determination and commitment.
‘Those humans” are the ‘ones’ liked by God, who, no matter, whatever situation they encounter in their lives, give their best and leave the rest to the Almighty. They do not shirk from their line of duty, never tread the path of evil and always think of spreading compassion and love in the world.’